Living in Thanksgiving - Expressing Gratitude

At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.                                                          --Albert Schweitzer

I love this quote! I have been thinking a lot lately about people who have rekindled a spark within me when I needed it most, or who have made some small gesture that meant the world to me. I don't know that I ever tell them thank you. 

Positive Psychology News has this to say about thank you notes:

"... a thank you note is a mini-dose of a full-blown gratitude letter or gratitude journal.  It is also an opportunity to flex your gratitude strength— a chance to practice one of the strengths of transcendence."  

We exercise other muscles to grow stronger, so why not exercise your gratitude strength as well? This week in my month of Living in Thanksgiving, I am focusing on expressing gratitude. Make it a habit to sincerely thank people who do something for you. Often, a verbal thank you in the moment will suffice. But written notes are effective, too. One thing I have learned about writing thank you notes is that when I stop and think through what the person has done for me, and how much I appreciate it, it lifts me. So in some ways, writing thank you notes is self-serving...a way to elevate yourself. Now, I can procrastinate thank you notes with the best of them, but this week I am going to be better about written thank yous. 

Thank You Notes and Positive Psychology" says:

Remember to tell the gift-giver that you are thankful not only for the gift, but also for their thinking of you.  Make it personal and sincere.  Tell them how you are looking forward to experiencing their gift.  Even if you don’t love the gift, there are other ways to let them know you appreciate the thought.  In these tough economic times, acknowledge their generosity.  Let them know that you look forward to seeing them again soon.  Mind them, make them feel important and loved.  In giving you the gift, they made you feel special.
You can, and should, return the favor.

Think of those who have been examples to you, who have supported you in times of trouble, or who have rekindled your "spark" when you needed it. I have been reflecting on some of these people all week, and now I have some thank you notes to write!  Enjoy basking in gratitude this week!

Living in Thanksgiving - How Grateful Are You?
Living in Thanksgiving - Perception and Gratitude
Living in Thanksgiving - Gratitude Journals, Yes or No?
The Art of Living in Thanksgiving 

Living in Thanksgiving - Gratitude Journals, Yes or No?

A few years ago gratitude journals were all the rage. At first I resisted keeping one...too trendy. Then I decided I needed a mood upgrade, so why not? I hated it. Every day I would sit down, think about my day, and try to think of five things to write down. Usually I was pretty grumpy about the whole exercise, and some days I struggled to think of five things. I know this says more about me and my state of mind, than about gratitude journals, but the simple act of writing five things down did nothing for my mental state. In fact, for every thing I did write down, I could usually think of five things I was not grateful for. We were living in an old house, and it didn't have any heat runs from the furnace to the only bathroom. When we were having some upgrades done on the furnace closet, the contractor said it would be very simple to run heat to the bathroom. For weeks that winter, the only thing I was thankful for every day was heat in the bathroom.  So why didn't keeping a gratitude journal work for me? Why could I be profoundly grateful for heat in the bathroom, but be unable to think of a few things each day to write down?

An article at The Greater Good (run by the University of California-Berkeley) gives some insight. It reports that research studies show gratitude journals don't always work, so my experience was not unique.  In fact, certain things can help you have a better experience with journaling. First, a motivation to become happier is helpful (clearly I was lacking any serious motivation to change my attitude at that point in time). Secondly, go for depth over breadth.  Instead of thinking of five things each time, thinking in detail about one or two things you are really grateful for can be more effective.  Third, don't feel pressure to write daily. Maybe once a week would work better for you. Lastly, try focusing on people you are grateful for rather than things.

At my current stage in life, I find it much easier to think of things for which I am truly grateful, and often, these "things" are the actions of other people. I am grateful for those who have a positive impact on the lives of my children. I am grateful for the many kindnesses people have shown to me. When I list these things on a very specific, personal level, I feel blessed indeed. And I think I will always be grateful for heat in the bathroom.

Will I ever keep a gratitude journal again? Right now I don't have specific plans to, but I do try to write about things I am grateful for in my regular journal.  The exercise of thinking through my week and finding the thing that was a blessing in my life helps me be aware of all the good things happening around me. In a world that sometimes seems dark and chaotic, taking time for gratitude is truly a healing gift.

Do you keep a gratitude journal? If so, what works best for you?

Have a wonderful week living in Thanksgiving!

Living in Thanksgiving - Perception & Gratitude

Living in Thanksgiving - How Grateful Are You?

Living in Thanksgiving - Perception & Gratitude

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."  --John Milton

Perception is a key component of gratitude. I look at perception in two ways...first, I am more grateful if I pay more attention to the things I see and the things I have, and second, I am more grateful if I am more aware of my own situation.  

When I take the time to notice a flower in bloom or a bird singing, I have a more grateful heart. So for this month, as I work on being more grateful, I am committed to noticing beauty around me.

Although I am uncomfortable comparing myself to others as a way of navigating life, I do find that being aware of worse situations can make me appreciate my own. For example, when I talked to people during chemotherapy treatments, I often went away being grateful for the realization that if I had to have cancer, at least I had a kind for which there were pretty effective treatments.  When my son was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome, I learned to be grateful that he did not have a life-threatening disease. I don't think it is necessary to compare myself to others to see these things, but becoming more aware of what other people are dealing with makes me more comfortable with, and more appreciative of my own situation. 

So, for this week, I am going to be more aware of what I do have, and not focus on what I don't have. Appreciating my blessings in life greatly increases my feelings of gratitude!

For more on gratitude see Living in Thanksgiving - How Grateful Are You?

and Living in Thanksgiving - Gratitude Journals, Yes or No?

Living in Thanksgiving - How Grateful Are You?

Every November, about half way through the month, I realize that I wish I were reflecting more on being thankful and expressing gratitude. It usually hits me when I realize friends have been expressing thanks daily for things in their lives via social media. I often think "Oh, I wish I had done that."  I want Thanksgiving to be more than the speed bump between Halloween and Christmas. So, this year, I am working on cultivating an attitude of gratitude throughout the month of November. I am hopeful that working on this intentionally for a month will give me good habits for the upcoming year.

Why gratitude? According to an article "In Praise of Gratitude" found in a health newsletter from Harvard, gratitude and happiness are linked. It says "In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships." In other words, gratitude helps with all of your basic life skills. Who wouldn't want to feel more positive, enjoy life more, have better coping skills, and have better relationships and health?

Of course, in order to make improvements in life, it is valuable to assess where you are right now. I found a gratitude quiz to measure my current "attitude of gratitude."  I scored a respectable 85% on this quiz, and feel that I am on my way to appreciating life more fully this month.

When I was in high school, a good friend introduced me to a book by legendary basketball coach John Wooden. It was called "They Call Me Coach," and contained many of Wooden's experiences, and also his philosophy of living. I remember being very impressed by Wooden's attention to living life well. He wanted to develop people, not just winning basketball players.  To start off my month of gratitude, here is a quote from John Wooden. It is a great blueprint for my month, and for life.

Be true to yourself, help others, make each day your masterpiece, make friendship a fine art, drink deeply from good books - especially the Bible, build a shelter against a rainy day, give thanks for your blessings and pray for guidance every day. -- John Wooden

Join me on my gratitude quest this month, and spend some time reflecting on the things for which you might give thanks.

See also Living in Thanksgiving - Perception and Gratitude and Living in Thanksgiving - Gratitude Journals, Yes or No?